Kona's Korner: Vegan or Bust

 

Kittens, I'm embarrassed to admit this, but for the longest time I thought vegetarian was the same as the veterinarian, and so I stayed far away from that as a topic of polite conversation. However, I learned from my new friend Saffron, a Manx who moved here from Berkeley, CA with her owners in the VW van, that vegetarians are actually little tofu men from the planet Vegan, sent here to help us all eat better. 

Saffron told me that vegetarians eat only healthy foods to avoid bad breath and sudden hair loss.  Naturally, in my role as Director of Public Relations at Bound To Be Read Books, I can't be caught with halitosis or patchy bald spots, so I embraced vegetarianism. 

Lucky for me, we have a ton of cookbooks on vegetarian cooking in the store, so I propped one open and whipped up my first dish, a raw salad.  I snagged the ingredients out of Jeff's refrigerator in the storeroom. Lettuce?  Check!  Tomato?  Check!  Onion?  Check!  Carrots?  Check!  Vinaigrette dressing?  Check!  Taste?  Blah!  I decided that it needed a little flavor, so I added some grilled chicken.  Much, much better ...

For dinner, I whipped up a veggie lasagna.  It looked a little flat in the pan, so I added some ground beef.  It was delicious. 

The next evening, Saffron stopped by to see how I was embracing vegetarianism.  I served her a casserole I had just taken out of the microwave, but after just one bite, she spit it out.  "This tastes like tuna fish!" she said. 

"I think it's really strange that none of these recipes have any meat in them," I said.  "It tasted pretty bland, sooo, I added a can of tuna."

"Kona, you can't add tuna--that's meat!"

"So?," I said.  "Can't I eat a little meat and still be a vegetarian?"

"Vegetarians don't eat meat, Kona!" cried Saffron.

"What? No meat!?" I gasped for air.  "How can you do that?"

"Tofu."

My eyes narrowed and my fur stood on end.  "Well, tofu right back at you, sister!"

Saffron sighed.  "No, that's the name of an alternative for meat that's made from bean curd."  Saffron pulled a small plastic container from her messenger bag and offered me some tofu.  I sniffed it and turned up my nose.

"I'm sorry, Saffron.  I do enjoy tie-dying t-shirts, threading daisy chains to wear on our heads, and singing war protest songs, but I just can't be a vegetarian. Cats are meant to hunt and kill things like cows and tuna fishes for supper. It's all natural."

Well, kittens, that was the last I saw of Saffron.  For a few days I worried about bad breath and my fur falling out, but it doesn't seem to be much of a problem yet.  In fact, Jeff called me "Tuna Breath" just yesterday, which I thought was really sweet.